dads at home

dad’s at home with the blinds shut

bbc news living room lamp


stained tshirt and pyjama bottoms hanging


the toilet seat is dirty and the oven’s seen a fire


he tells me about a long lost friend 


she’s been living in america where she made millions


now she’s back to england to look after him


i’ll show you her text he says 


i’m worried that there isn’t going to be a message - worried that he’ll be confused - but he finds it 


here you are


the message is from my ex-wife

just saying hello


she found me, he smiles, after all this time


he’s on a loop 


speaking with clarity about family, past jobs and partners, but then a fog drops - like forgetting why you came in a room - and he goes back to the same delusion 


the slow dissolution of boundaries of his memory- time and faces bleed - mould is growing in the corners 


he tried to save a baby from a fire, but she died


he had to clear up the pieces of a suicide inconveniencing commutes


an ira bomb blew up a colleague


they found her head of a roof


blond hair and blue eyes


his traumatic memories aren’t going anywhere 


i couldn’t drink the coffee he made 


the mugs aren’t clean 


he’s confused to find a mug with coffee in it and assumes it’s his and takes a swig


that distrustful assistant of ours -

memory


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